I’ve often heard that people only start wanting you when they think that you don’t want them. It’s true; I’ve lived by it. Whether its business or friendships or especially romantic relationships, the person who cares less always seems to be the person who has the most power. At least that’s what it might feel like for the person that cares more. But I question whether this is true or not.
I have been called the, “queen of not giving a shit.” One of my many talents is that I am really good at both not actually caring, as well as acting like I don’t care. Just yesterday, some girlfriends and I were talking about boys and I quoted Almost Famous as my romance mantra, “If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt.” And it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve ultimately come off as cynical about relationships. People think it stems from really not caring; on the contrary, it stems from the fear of caring too much.
I know how to be the person who doesn’t text back, who doesn’t call back, who waits for the guy to make the first move, and who acts like I couldn’t care less whether he does or he doesn’t. Being this person comes natural to me because I have convinced myself that being the other person comes with too much potential damage. And I do think to an extent it does. I may never have truly had my heart broken, but I’ve known people who have; I’ve been there for them. And that shit isn’t fun. It’s depressing and devastating and oftentimes a really long journey to returning to being okay.
But the thing is I think people who put themselves out there; people who let you know they care a lot – I think that they have the right idea. I think the human heart especially when it’s young, is really resilient. I think that the journey to being okay when one’s heart has been broken is a journey that is usually worth facing even when love hasn’t done what you wanted. But when you’re the one who cares less, who apparently doesn’t care at all, you’ll go never go on this journey because you’ll convince yourself that you don’t need to. You convince yourself that you’re fine even when you’re not.
What people don’t seem to realize about the person who cares less or acts like they care less is that they’re usually the one who ends up being hurt the most. It is human to want love and to want to be taken care of and to want to take care of someone else. To deny that, is simply to deny one’s humanity. Being the “queen of not giving a shit” doesn’t make one healthier or stronger or wiser or cooler or even happier. It just makes you feel less human. It makes you feel, less and less.
When it’s all said and done, even people who are perfectly lonely and perfectly alone – still need their person. Whether it’s a romantic partner, a good friend, a loyal family member – everybody needs a person. And the truth is if you act like you don’t care enough, people will eventually start to believe you. So if you feel like you care too much or feel too much or love too much, remember that the alternative is worse. We should all try to seek balance because virtue is that middle ground between any two extremes. But when it comes to love, I don’t know if there is such a thing as loving too much or showing that you love too much. And if there is, I think it’s commendable; not something to be ashamed of. Because if you don’t tell people and show people that you do care, that you do have feelings for them, that you do love them, how the hell are they supposed to know?
So I suppose you can go through life thinking that eventually someone will break down all the walls that you’ve put up, because you don’t want anyone to know how much you can care; how much you can love. But life is short and people are busy. And maybe when the right person comes along, maybe they’ll see right through you. Maybe. But if you keep telling yourself that you don’t care, maybe you’ll also start believing it and you won’t even be able to see your person when you find them. So get out while you can and start giving a shit; and if your heart breaks, let it break. Because it’ll be okay. You will be okay.
Read this article earlier and it was quite inspiring for me to write about it from my own perspective.
People who know me close enough, or maybe don't even need to be close enough should know how easily I do fall in love. In secondary school, there had been more than once where the mass public knew who I liked in school and I've never really tried to keep such stuff a secret because I rarely hide stuff like these from close friends and well, the word just spreads around in school.
Sadly, up till now, none of my crushes have yet to like me back and more than once I've been so upset with such relationship problems and I couldn't concentrate in whatever I was doing and my studies have often suffered due to such situations.
As oppose to the article where the author is the "queen of not giving a shit", I'm entirely different, I make it known about how much I care and how much the other party means to me (perhaps the reason for the downfall of all my confessions too) and I feel that if you really love someone, you shouldn't keep it from them, it has to be made clear to them. (Though it isn't the same case for my family but that's a different topic altogether)
Yes, I've confessed more than once about my feelings to the guy I liked. I felt no need to lie or to cover up my feelings or actions as when you like someone, I guess it's natural that you'd want to see that person many times a day and talk to them. All these are processes that are really enjoyable and pure when you do not have any commitment or are getting serious yet. There are sad moments too when you're wild guessing if the other party likes you too when he replies you or have a in-depth conversation with you and is nice to you. You start to wonder if those are tell tale signs that you might have a chance to start a relationship with him. And when the truth is revealed about his feelings, and in all of my cases, none were mutual, you'd start to feel sad, thinking if it's because you're not good enough and angry for caring too much despite rejection and that the other party "won" because he doesn't really gives a damn about it because he has no feelings involved and he doesn't have to care about being heartbroken.
The feeling of rejection is like hell, it's not a easy or delightful process to go through but it has never deterred me from stopping myself to fall in love again. Being the born romantic, it never came across to my mind that I should stop loving just because of one bad rejection. It might be the obstinate thought of just wanting to love that one guy for the rest of my life but it has never occurred to me that I should stop loving or caring. Some people got hurt badly and close their hearts from any other people. It sucks to bare your heart open to the one you love and get rejected after mustering a lot of courage to do that. It will feel like your heart got slashed a thousand times but at the end of the day, everything will still be over in a while. Well, at least I'm still living happily!
I believe that everyone's got a fair chance in love. Even if you just got rejected or fell out of love, life has not ended, it's a new beginning! Try harder, even if you will fail, don't give up trying! Sometimes love is just like solving a tough algebra question, there are a lot of unknowns in it and you're trying hard to get an answer and solve the unknown. You got it wrong on the first try but it's okay, someday when you've done enough practice and mastered the techniques, you can solve most of the questions! Some people might be more gifted in math and get it right on the first try and you might envy them, but that should not serve as a discouragement that you cannot do well in anything or you're not as good as anyone else. The most important thing is to find what you're good and bad at and work hard to make up for our own flaws with hard work and determination.
I'm sure that someday I'll be able to find somebody who loves me as much as I do for him. When that day comes, I'll be the happiest person on Earth! Hahaha.
Right now, I'm still a happy and contented kid. I love my family and all my friends and life is awesome. Love..... can wait. (:
