It's strange how I'm blogging right now with a straight face.

I'm with a classmate right now and we're all doing our own stuffs but still it is still weird for me to be typing vigorously away when both of us are supposed to be studying about the same thing. 

But well, before I get home and shed everything I've been covering up on my face, I've been keeping and struggling to keep everything in since the day started.

It didn't struck me as hard last night because I was sleepy and all that sadness registered in my head in a smaller scale.

But this morning after I freshened up and my brain start wiring, all the words keep flooding back. Things both of us said, did, shared.

It all felt like a big lie that I'm living in.

I couldn't keep my emotions under check properly. 

It felt so unbearable I thought of skipping school but apparently, every attendance count and I've to be present at a project meeting. 

And when I see my other dearest friends, it was even more intolerable.

I really really wanted to just hug my best friend and cry but I couldn't.

I didn't want to ruin her mood for the celebration afterwards (which very luckily I'm not going).

The rest of the day was control and control and a lot of self control taking place to keep hold of my emotions. 

I feel so bad of myself that I'm behaving like that.

I hate to put on masks in front of the mass.

And yet I did it today.

I fake smiles, laughters, concerns, jokes, happiness.

I lied about how I was really feeling underneath those masks.

It's a suffocating experience I haven't had in such a long while.

Today was bad.

I didn't know how to face you, I couldn't look at you straight in the eye.

Sorry for all that coldness but I guess it's hard  not to be cold when I saw your clear definition of me in your heart.

It's not the words that you say right in front of me that matters more, it's the ones that you say behind me that are more worthy of value because it's words that you couldn't have said in my face.

No matter what, our relationship is already strained. 

Maybe I won't show it in front of you but deep down, every moment spent with you, I'll be constantly reminding myself of everything that I did with you, at the end, in times of crisis, I wouldn't be the one you pick or turn to to share you problems and worries with.

I don't mind your problems weighing down on me when you share them because I believed we can find a solution together to your problems. 

Even if we can't, I believed that after you shared it with me, it could somehow make you feel much better, much relieved and that you have a best friend whom you can depend on for everything.

But no, you don't need me.

You still don't trust me enough.

I'm never good enough for you.

Which is true too.

I know I'm not the best person in your life, there are a lot of nicer, even better people out there.

Even you yourself are much nicer than me. 

So I guess I shouldn't be complaining that you don't regard me as important, right?

Yea because I don't deserve to.

It's extremely late now but by a twist of fate, I put hold on all the stuff I'm doing and I just had to get this out.

I'm assuming no one will read this soon? It's not like I'm any celebrity blogger or anyone would even frequent this space of mine.

I have a lot of friends, and a lot more best friends than one normally have.

Maybe the normal average people only have like what? 2 to 3?

Due to my outgoing nature, I have around 8 of them.

Which is quite a lot. 

Just like what one of my friends told me, this term "best friend" doesn't seem as significant any more when I have so many of them.

To me, they really are all my best friends. When I picture them, they stand in a circle because I couldn't rank them at all. 

Maybe I share different priorities with different best friends but still, each of them are special to me in my eyes, they are irreplaceable, I love each and every one of them. 

If I had to choose to save only one person out of all of them when they are in danger I would rather die with them than choose because they are all so important to me.

Maybe that becomes insignificant in your eyes, my best friends' eyes, but still I can't explain exactly how much I love each of them and how they really are so significant to me.

But reality had to slap me hard in the face today.

Because I realised that even though I see each of them as special, important, irreplaceable people, to them I am only insignificant.

It no longer matters how much I do, but even after everything I did, I still can't be a little more important to some of them.

I know, maybe some day some time I hurt any of you unknowingly but deep down I feel really bad and I really want to try to make up to each of you in my own way because I know I'm lacking a lot as a friend as well.

However, it doesn't help.

It doesn't help at all.

I'm still that unimportant after what I did.

I'm still the person you could reject any time you want.

I still couldn't give you as much happiness and joy someone else could. 

No matter what, when you're with me, things aren't still complete enough.

I'm just a close friend.

Prove me wrong my dear.

Tell me that everything that I've typed is wrong.

You know how I wish you could tell me that?

But honestly, both you and I know that it is true to a certain extent.

You still can't let go everything about yourself to me when I did.

I just couldn't qualify to reach that stage.

Maybe it sucks to have so many best friends.

Maybe I would have been better off with only one or two whom I really trust but no, each and every single best friend I've listed in my head gone through a lot with me. 

They passed through lots of hurdles and obstacles with me and I really thought they treated me like family and I do really thought of them as part of my own family too.

I guess some friendships aren't strong enough at the end of the day, and I'm not as important to each of them as well.

Well, that's reality for you dear Marj.

I think I'm one big stupid fool.

After going through lots of crying, hopeless days missing that one person, I eventually still didn't get a chance to see him.

Yet, I still love him very much.

Yes, love.

Love is a strong word.

Maybe for all the past crushes, it was just a strong liking and never love.

I used it too easily in the past but I'm not making the same mistake again.

That feeling is found at the softest part of your heart, you somehow can feel that part wriggling when it gets too tough to bear or when you feel extremely touched and warmed by a gesture. 

He made me found that hidden area I never felt before in my own body.

It feels amazing, magical and bubbly.

But more than often for the past year, that magical, bubbly feeling seldom appeared again.

More of it was replaced by bitterness and a lot of chill.

I tried hard at first, to keep the bubbly feeling going, but it really was too hard to maintain everyday and especially so after months and months of his disappearance.

And recently, I couldn't touch that softest part anymore.

It feels like it's gone, covered, buried.

Even with the warmest, most touching gestures, they didn't manage to scrape through the layer covering it. It just barely touched the very top of that layer. 

Just as bewildered you are reading this, I feel bewildered and puzzled by my own feelings too.

How can someone I never once talked to possibly did so much to me?

I'm also extremely confused if it's habit that I've grown used to or it really is love at times but well, other people made me realise what this feeling really was.

At the end of the day, there was only one person I cared most, one person I really want to be with.

Maybe, as time grew to pass, my love will falter in the passing of time, the one I would be with would be someone else. 

But now, right now, it's still him.

I wouldn't promise forever, but I'll give him my everything.

Guess I'm having a little of an emotional breakdown now.

I just keep tearing over the little-est stuffs and it just never ends like now, I'm tearing again while typing this.

Sigh, sometimes I feel like I'm not important and insignificant to the people around me. 

It feels like I'm not important enough for them to treat me a little better.

Hahah, I know that's a selfish part there wanting people to treat me better but well, sometimes comparing myself to other people, I feel lonely at times.
Really need mood control.

Well, okay back to studying before I tear again.

Last paper tomorrow!!!
Can't wait for freedom!!

因为回头看你，心会痛，会想继续顽固的执著， 所以我不能让自己停下脚步， 不能让自己有想你的缝隙。

Lesson #1: Guard your heart

Over and over again, people failed me. 

They failed me by not being able to reciprocate the love I have for them.

Some knew how to appreciate, others were jerks. 

But never once, the results turn out differently.

Every single time, I let myself fall into such a position without thinking.

I let them hurt the true love I have for them, now, I no longer know what is the true love I used to have in mind. 

Then, I finally grew up.

I learnt that girls should be cherished, one's love is not meant to be used as jokes or a hold for someone over you. 

If that person is not treating you right, it's okay. There will be someone eventually who will know the right way to treat and love you.

Someday, each of us will be the most important person in another's eyes.

It doesn't matter if it is not happening now.

Your heart matters the most, it deserves someone who knows the same way to love your heart like how you would love his. 

I took a long time and a painful lesson to learn all of these. 

Today, it finally came to me that my friends and family are so much more important than that one person.

They are the people who see my sadness and appreciate my crazy and optimistic ways.

I'll never change my character to suit one person.

I'll guard my heart closely and I'll not let it succumb to all that pain it had gone through in the past as from now. 

Short posts once in a while nowadays cos despite wanting to write in my diary more than here, it's much more convenient to flush out all my thoughts here.

It's only been less than 5 days and I'm already used to talking to you everyday.

Today, I had to study for a test tomorrow so I told myself that I wouldn't talk to you.

Also, that was to give both of us some freedom as well.

Don't think you'll like it if I kept initiating conversations with you so often.

But then you came online, and there I was wondering all the time if should talk to you or not.

It's just so tempting and hard to resist that urge to talk to you.

And just as I was typing all of the above, I checked again and you came back online.

Omg omg omg.

It's just an indescribable magical feeling to see you online.

It just felt like you were there with me and you weren't gonna walk away from me and leave me alone.

Hehehe. That bubbly feeling again.

What I want to ask is if there's a chance between us.

Slowly, you're melting my heart away.

Been such a long time since I felt so happy because of just one important person.

I don't know what lies in the future for us but if you're willing to let me work hard for this happiness, I'll put in my utmost best for you.

Thank you. 

^^

I know it's always my own fault for behaving like that.

Whenever someone close to me shows indications that he/she is close to someone else too, I can't help but just start closing myself to them.

It just feels to me that since you've got someone better, you don't need me, I will be better off alone ain't it so?

I care too much, I care too much for too many people.

I become that sensitive bitch who starts suspecting everyone's gonna leave me soon and they don't need and love me any more.

Like now, I become sensitive towards every little thing.

It doesn't even matter that you're talking to someone else while talking to me at the same time.

Why the hell do I even mind so much?

No one can ever be used to getting hurt.

车窗外的大雨覆盖我的前行 我只向往你怀里

星星 - 曾静玟

I will safeguard my heart till you come along and take it away again.

I really really miss you a lot.

When those love songs made me think of you. Especially the sad ones.

They really succeeded in making me getting all teary-eyed.

Or maybe you're the one who succeeded.

I miss you. 

Because even though I've never spoken a single word to you, it feels like I can never find someone else like you.

You made my heart race like no one else, you filled up all my thoughts leaving no space for anyone, you impacted my emotions within seconds.

You took my breath away as you walk away; I forgot how to breathe when you left.

Then I realised that my heart's with you, always, after minor incidents, major incidents, I couldn't forget you I can't bring myself to let you go even after I tried to displace my love.

Now how, are you going to be that kind of guy I hate most?

So am I supposed to continue waiting for you, hope that you love me too then let me use my own love and patience to change that side of you?

Or do I just give up?

Why won't you appear?

Please.

Just once more.

So despite being busy and with things to do by today, I guess I needed this blogging time.

I feel so upset with myself and I hate the way I behave recently.

Maybe the moodswings me is back.

I live in insecurities, fear and suspicion everyday.

I'm afraid, afraid that the people whom I love might leave me one day for no reason or maybe one day I realise that I'm not important to them any more or I no longer hold a special significance to them.

Even though I know I'm a lucky girl who have so many people who cares for me and are willing to ask if I'm okay and try to cheer me up, sometimes I still feel that actually I'm not that important.

I know, I know that I can't be everyone's top priority since me myself can't even do the same thing but still, I guess I'm a very selfish person. 

I want everyone who is important to me to have me being important to them as well.

Sigh. 

It's tough living like that but to be honest, I guess I just can't keep down that attention seeking side of me.

As the only kid in the house, a girl at that, everyone showered me with love and attention ever since I was born. 

I think I started to become very mindful of such stuff when my cousins were born.

Because after enjoying attention and love for years, their appearance started to shave away the attention I used to get from the adults.

My parents started to compare me with them and even other kids which I very much hated.

But don't worry I still love my cousins very much because they are my family no matter what. (':

Then thereafter that competition for attention grew and never ended.

 I started to expect the same from my friends, the closer you are with me, the more I expect you to prioritise me.

And I'm really really thankful and grateful and I think I'm really fortunate for having all of my current friends.

Most of them understand this side of me and they are willing to let me know that they care and I'm important to them despite all the temperamental behaviour I give them recently.

I have no idea why I'm so fortunate also but now after typing out all of this I feel really lucky and some of my insecurities are slowly fading away.

Thank you to all my dear friends and my dear family. (':

The following is for my dearest friends! In no special order. Thank you for everything that you've done, impacted my life in a big way or small, put a smile on my face or made me laugh like a mad woman. You guys were the one who warmed my heart on someday, sometime. 

Thank you Cindy.

Thank you Felicia.

Thank you Adilah.

Thank you Wenyi.

Thank you Yi Shing.

Thank you Eleanor.

Thank you Pei Qi.

Thank you Alicia.

Thank you Yi Wen dajie.

Thank you Yu Ying xiaomei.

Thank you Roy.

Thank you Mei Xian.

Thank you Sandy.

Thank you KK.

Thank you Chee May.

Thank you Kinren.

Thank you Elly.

Thank you Veltrice.

Thank you Chen Yang.

Thank you Jessica.

Thank you Ridwaan.

Thank you Nicholas.

Thank you Novy.

Thank you Wen Xuan.

Thank you Yanru.

Thank you Uni.

Thank you Miss Jasline.

Thank you Mr Patrick.

Thank you Chu Yuan.

Thank you Ming Ling.

Thank you Zhang Yi.

Thank you Cherlyn.

Thank you Wei Qi.

Thank you Mei Peng.

Thank you Ivy.

Thank you Eliza.

Thank you Melissa. (TP)

Thank you Amanda.

Thank you Hanis.

Thank you Syuhada.

Thank you Afifah.

Thank you Navleen.

Thank you Qian Hui. (PCS)

Thank you Hui Ting. (PCS/PRSS)
Thank you Dionne.
Thank you Clarisse.

Thank you Yun Kit.

Thank you Ryan.

Thank you Timothy.

Thank you Ying Wei.

Thank you Glenn.

Thank you Chloe.

Thank you Chu Qing.

Thank you Zi Hui.

Thank you Yan Peng.

Thank you Fabian.

Thank you Ann Qi.

Thank you Xiu Jian.

Thank you Vania.

Thank you Jonathan.

Thank you Joey Fong.

Thank you Leon Jin.

Thank you Qian Ying.

Thank you Rizky.

Thank you Isabelle.

Thank you Valerie. (PCS)

Thank you Kai Lynn.

Thank you Fiona. (PRSS)

Thank you Grizel.

Thank you Su Fang.

Thank you Hazel.

Thank you Zhi Bin.

Thank you Denise.

Thank you Yu Shan.

Thank you Clarice.

Thank you Vivien. (PRSS Choir)

Thank you Shermaine.

Thank you Joanne.

Thank you Atiqah.

Thank you Joleen.

Thank you Li Ting.

Thank you Chris.

Thank you Faith.

Thank you Adibah.

Thank you Wern Ching.

Thank you Qi Yan.

Thank you Kai Lin.

Thank you Jie You.

Thank you Yi Qian.

Thank you Carrie. 

Thank you Vivian. (PRSSCO)

Thank you Pei Fen.

Thank you Zhi Lin.

Thank you Fung Qi.

Thank you Gladys. 

Thank you Liang Xiu.

Thank you Eugene.

Thank you Tori.

Thank you Hui Rong.

Thank you Xiao Juan.

Thank you Pamela.

Thank you Xin Yi. (PCS)

Thank you Ji Wei.

Thank you Daniel.

Thank you Benjamin. (PCS)
Thank you Han Li.
Thank you Ryan. (TPCO)

There are a lot a lot more people who made up my life but I guess it's impossible to list everyone out plus I'm sleepy. Hahahahah anyway thank you to every single one of you who played a part in my life and gave me such awesome and heart warming moments. I love you. 

Becoming that crybaby again.

Sometimes, I feel so much like giving up.

No, I mean everyday ever since you didn't appear, I feel like giving up.

It's so hard to keep all the pain within.

Especially when you're waiting for someone who seems to never return, who seems to never cared, never loved, never treasured.

I don't even know why I'm so hopeful too.

It's tough to keep having your hopes held high up and when you know the answer, it's just an instant crash back to reality.

And you know you don't have the right to hold me back, not after you didn't try at all to make me stay.

So is it okay if I stop trying so hard?

Is it okay if  I gradually let go now?

Is it okay if 

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

NO

It's too late for me to give up already. 

两年了, 爱上了, 追上了, 落后了, 失去了, 找不到了。

没见到你的这六个月来, 你还好吗?

有没有曾想起过我?

我过得不好, 因为没看到你。

而你, 却一直浮现在我脑海里。

忘不掉啊。

因为只看得到你的好, 其他人的好, 再好也看不透, 再好也学不会去欣赏他们的好。

对啊, 其实你也没那么的绝对, 没那么多理由让我把执著放在你身上。

可是, 那么久了, 就算分析清楚了, 还是放不下。

也许真的很傻,也很不可理喻吧?

但是对于你, 我真的办不到。

至少在再一次看到你之前, 我心里的位置还是属于你的。

Because without you here, everything else's happiness is not complete enough.

My laughter is not complete, my smiles are not complete,

I'm not complete.

Can't get my heart focused on studying when all my mind is about you. and even more not so when you've taken my heart along with you.

Missing you more than ever my love.

Sigh. Why am I always having emotional break downs before tests/exams?

Thought I wasn't capable of crying any more but you proved me wrong.

I wasn't supposed to cry any more.
Not after I haven't seen you in such a long time.
Not after I fell for someone else.
Not after I'm starting to forget how it felt like whenever I see you.
But then, stupid little things that reminded me of you still got me tearing.
Even that failed confession didn't hurt so much like how much I miss you.
Why?
Why why why?
I thought you didn't matter any more.
I thought I could really let go.
But the more I tried moving forward, my heart still stays in the past, it still stays at the place where I last saw you.

I miss you, I really do, so would you please just appear once? Please?

I'm really so stupid, how could I have fell so deep into someone whom I don't know at all?

It's true that I'm not good enough for anyone.

I'm not good enough as a friend, as a big sister, as a person or even just being a girl.

You might turn out to be my best guy friend again. Not romance anymore this time.

No matter how hard I try I'm just not good enough.

Not good enough to be your daughter.

No matter how much I try to please you, buying you all gifts and presents for occasions, my feelings and love get doubted time and again.

I just don't feel like trying already.

Even the man I love most in this world seems to be giving up on me already so can I just let myself spiral downwards?

It's just so painful being so emotional.

It hurts to feel.

I just don't want to live up to anyone's expectations, anyone's standards any more.

I try to make the people around me happy then all I got was sarcasm and judgement.

2012 let me down after all.

There seems like there isn't gonna be any good years ahead in front of me any more.

Year after year it just becomes more disappointing. 

So what's there left to look forward to anyway?

It's rejection but how come just reading what you said can make me smile like nobody's business?

Silly guy, you know what? I just fell deeper, not going to give up on you just yet.

Tweeted my blog's link on Twitter bec everywhere I go I get questions like "Why you so emo on Twitter?"

I wanted my blog to be a low profile thing bec I want to still keep that bit of privacy and motivation for me to continue blogging about my deep inner thoughts.

But then since the people who are following me on Twitter are mostly people whom I don't mind reading my blog so I might as well clear all of your doubts and question marks here. 

And well, you guys know I can never keep things silent about myself for long. 

So basically, I'm proud that there aren't that many skeletons in my closet.

Though I don't really expect any one to notice that tweet either. I did it quietly. Much.

Anyway, I guess it's a new start!

At least we are friends now, we're talking properly.

As for face to face conversations, well, I've still got a long way to go!

But after all these positive thinking I can't help but feel upset still.

Guess it's normal. No one will not feel upset for stuffs like that.

I thought that I could really let go but this new start is really not helping;.

It just made me fell deeper.

Nonetheless that I feel so much relieved getting everything literally off my heart, but well, still that was a rejection I had to face.

Dilemma yknow, to go on knowing more about him, or just silently give up.

But we just agreed to being friends!

But then maybe he was just being nice so he agreed.

But then still, nevertheless he still agreed! He could have just said no then start to ignore like what some coward did in the past.

But then maybe he didn't want to look bad that's why he agreed.

There, all the vicious cycle going in my head for the whole day after that.

Some more everyone I talked to, every one gave a different opinion so I'm still much stuck with what to go ahead.

Or maybe, like what my blog url suggests, I should just stick to being myself.

Do what I feel is right and go ahead.

I already had that stupid courage so what's left now is just being friends.

It won't be that hard I believe!

The amazing thing I love about blogger, I always know what to do after I type out a chunky post.

Go Marj, it's your own happiness you're fighting for!

And to everyone else out there fighting for your own happiness, 

hereby I give you my endless amount of courage.

JUST DO IT.

It's over. No more hope.

Heeartbeat racing like nobody's business.

Please, tonight's the only night I can deal with a blow. 

I don't know if I can still endure all the sadness for other days.

Give me a miracle tonight.

Maybe you don't even want to give me a chance to tell you.

Come online tonight. 

Let me say what I want to say.

Let me get this off my heart.

It's either all or nothing.

The best thing for me right now is to actually cry out loud.

There are just too much tears held back.

But now, I can't even tear, I no longer know how to cry.

More than often, I wonder if I can still open my eyes to greet morning's light.
If you've read my previous posts, I guess you know how preoccupied I am with death.
Especially with all the "End of the World" rumours going on.
Now, when the skies get a little too dark, when the lightning goes on relentlessly with fury, when the sound of rain seems to be knocking too hard on the window panes, I can't help but think if it's world's end at that moment already.
Then when there wasn't a huge rock come flying to Earth killing us all and everything restored its calmness, I thought of all the stuff that I hadn't got a chance to do yet before I die.
There are so many things that I want to do; I'm still young, there are so many days ahead in front of me.
But then what if all of us Earthlings just dropped dead together tomorrow?
Well, maybe it will be a good thing 'cos then none of us gets to fulfil what we wanted to do before we died.
But then what if I was the only one who couldn't get to see next day's sunlight?
I should treasure whatever I have now right?
But all I'm doing now is taking my own time for granted, taking myself for granted, taking the PEOPLE around me for granted.
Yea, despite all the fear about not being able to live tomorrow, I took everything for granted.
What do I do?
How, how should I live my life to the fullest every moment?
It's just so tiring to do so, fearing for every minute, fearing for your own health.
I just want to be happy without anything holding me back.
And I realised that much as I want to, when I'm happy, the fear surges immensely in my heart.
Sigh. I have no idea why too.
Well, till I'm enlightened about how to be happy, I guess we can do with some peaceful and nice music  to kill away some of the fear in my heart.
There you go, Safe & Sound by Taylor Swift.

Someday, I will know how to be happy.
(':

I finally found some time to do a looooooooooooooong and chunky post.

Today is 7th March. And from the last time since I updated anything substantial till now, what have I been doing?

For the whole of the second semester of my first year of poly, I actually haven't been studying a lot.

I wasn't hardworking at all.

But well, main exams just ended last thursday so I'm not gonna dwell over the fact that I didn't study for the second semester any more.

Instead, I shall hereby make a promise that I will work really hard for my year 2 of poly, alright?

(:

The most catastrophic incident that happened was the passing away of my grandfather during last December.

It was 4 plus 5 in the morning and I was sleeping soundly when I began to feel more and more uneasy in my sleep and I realised that someone was knocking on the door real hard, really really hard that I didn't dare to go anywhere near the door. 

I thought it might be some loansharks at the door, wrong door apparently if it was the loansharks.

I had this bad premonition that something bad was happening.

I quickly woke up my parents and when they checked at the door, whoever who was knocking it had already left.

My dad checked his phone because it was ringing non-stop.

There were almost a hundred missed calls from my aunts and cousin and that was when we got news of my grandfather's urgent admittance to the hospital.

We all left for the hospital asap and on the way there, the atmosphere was deathly and I just couldn't stop crying because all my grandfather was left with is one last breath.

And then, it happened.

Everyone cried.

It was the first time I see my family cried so badly. My grandma, my dad, my aunts, everybody.

The scene was so dramatic and heart wrenching and so unbelivable. 

2 days before it happened, I was still visiting my grandfather and I was still hugging him and he looked better (he was sick).

He even recognised who I was, how could it just happened like that?

It was a big blow the whole family had to deal with and in a way, we became more united as well.

More often, we only learn to cherish someone only after we lose him.

I really regret a lot not having spend more time with my grandfather.

When he passed away, memories of him kept flooding back but that's also when I realised that I've spent so little time with him after I went to secondary school.

But my regret can't bring him back, all I have now is the living and memories.

Sometimes it's hard to say "I love you" to the people you really love, like for me it's my family.

To friends, I'm that outgoing and sociable girl but towards my family, I don't know why, I really don't know why, I become quiet and inward.

It's really ironic because it's so easy for me to tell my friends I love 'em.

Well, but still, I cherish my family and I guess I would use actions instead.

Anyway, I'll let the photos do the talking about the rest of the updates on my life! Picture speaks a thousand words so the rest of the post should cover 30,000 plus words. Happy now? (:

September

CNY visiting at Yi Shing's house

Give me a chance, won't you?

Everytime I visit your timeline, I really feel so happy that that is still the most recent update.

Yet, your actions make me feel that all my happiness is uncalled for.

Tell me, what should I think?

This is no good.

I need an avenue for me to let out everything that's been piling inside.

I feel very much like crying but I just can't cry.

The tears seem to be on the verge of falling but it just can't fall.

I feel so suffocated this way.

At least if I cry, I can cry like nobody's business and after that I'll be fine.

But now, I can't even let it out.

Everything's bottled inside.

Really need a strong trigger to let out everything.

Sorry guys, not really in the mood for anything.

These past weeks have been so depressing.

Promise I'll come back with a nice post after I can find a way to leave everything out.

Meanwhile, pardon for all the sad posts.

Till then guys, a happy me to blog nicely.

Hello everyone out there.

I noticed that I get a lot of anonymous readers judging from the chatbox.

I want to thank each and every one of you who bothered to leave a comment to give advice, compliments or just trying to make me feel better.

Your words really made my day!

It really mattered when I'm feeling down and see people out there who don't know me but still care.

Thank you. (':

I feel so suffocated like there's no escape anywhere.

Sometimes, knowing the answer kills all the hope in you.