I know it's always my own fault for behaving like that.

Whenever someone close to me shows indications that he/she is close to someone else too, I can't help but just start closing myself to them.

It just feels to me that since you've got someone better, you don't need me, I will be better off alone ain't it so?

I care too much, I care too much for too many people.

I become that sensitive bitch who starts suspecting everyone's gonna leave me soon and they don't need and love me any more.

Like now, I become sensitive towards every little thing.

It doesn't even matter that you're talking to someone else while talking to me at the same time.

Why the hell do I even mind so much?

No one can ever be used to getting hurt.

车窗外的大雨覆盖我的前行 我只向往你怀里

星星 - 曾静玟

I will safeguard my heart till you come along and take it away again.

I really really miss you a lot.

When those love songs made me think of you. Especially the sad ones.

They really succeeded in making me getting all teary-eyed.

Or maybe you're the one who succeeded.

I miss you. 

Because even though I've never spoken a single word to you, it feels like I can never find someone else like you.

You made my heart race like no one else, you filled up all my thoughts leaving no space for anyone, you impacted my emotions within seconds.

You took my breath away as you walk away; I forgot how to breathe when you left.

Then I realised that my heart's with you, always, after minor incidents, major incidents, I couldn't forget you I can't bring myself to let you go even after I tried to displace my love.

Now how, are you going to be that kind of guy I hate most?

So am I supposed to continue waiting for you, hope that you love me too then let me use my own love and patience to change that side of you?

Or do I just give up?

Why won't you appear?

Please.

Just once more.

So despite being busy and with things to do by today, I guess I needed this blogging time.

I feel so upset with myself and I hate the way I behave recently.

Maybe the moodswings me is back.

I live in insecurities, fear and suspicion everyday.

I'm afraid, afraid that the people whom I love might leave me one day for no reason or maybe one day I realise that I'm not important to them any more or I no longer hold a special significance to them.

Even though I know I'm a lucky girl who have so many people who cares for me and are willing to ask if I'm okay and try to cheer me up, sometimes I still feel that actually I'm not that important.

I know, I know that I can't be everyone's top priority since me myself can't even do the same thing but still, I guess I'm a very selfish person. 

I want everyone who is important to me to have me being important to them as well.

Sigh. 

It's tough living like that but to be honest, I guess I just can't keep down that attention seeking side of me.

As the only kid in the house, a girl at that, everyone showered me with love and attention ever since I was born. 

I think I started to become very mindful of such stuff when my cousins were born.

Because after enjoying attention and love for years, their appearance started to shave away the attention I used to get from the adults.

My parents started to compare me with them and even other kids which I very much hated.

But don't worry I still love my cousins very much because they are my family no matter what. (':

Then thereafter that competition for attention grew and never ended.

 I started to expect the same from my friends, the closer you are with me, the more I expect you to prioritise me.

And I'm really really thankful and grateful and I think I'm really fortunate for having all of my current friends.

Most of them understand this side of me and they are willing to let me know that they care and I'm important to them despite all the temperamental behaviour I give them recently.

I have no idea why I'm so fortunate also but now after typing out all of this I feel really lucky and some of my insecurities are slowly fading away.

Thank you to all my dear friends and my dear family. (':

The following is for my dearest friends! In no special order. Thank you for everything that you've done, impacted my life in a big way or small, put a smile on my face or made me laugh like a mad woman. You guys were the one who warmed my heart on someday, sometime. 

Thank you Cindy.

Thank you Felicia.

Thank you Adilah.

Thank you Wenyi.

Thank you Yi Shing.

Thank you Eleanor.

Thank you Pei Qi.

Thank you Alicia.

Thank you Yi Wen dajie.

Thank you Yu Ying xiaomei.

Thank you Roy.

Thank you Mei Xian.

Thank you Sandy.

Thank you KK.

Thank you Chee May.

Thank you Kinren.

Thank you Elly.

Thank you Veltrice.

Thank you Chen Yang.

Thank you Jessica.

Thank you Ridwaan.

Thank you Nicholas.

Thank you Novy.

Thank you Wen Xuan.

Thank you Yanru.

Thank you Uni.

Thank you Miss Jasline.

Thank you Mr Patrick.

Thank you Chu Yuan.

Thank you Ming Ling.

Thank you Zhang Yi.

Thank you Cherlyn.

Thank you Wei Qi.

Thank you Mei Peng.

Thank you Ivy.

Thank you Eliza.

Thank you Melissa. (TP)

Thank you Amanda.

Thank you Hanis.

Thank you Syuhada.

Thank you Afifah.

Thank you Navleen.

Thank you Qian Hui. (PCS)

Thank you Hui Ting. (PCS/PRSS)
Thank you Dionne.
Thank you Clarisse.

Thank you Yun Kit.

Thank you Ryan.

Thank you Timothy.

Thank you Ying Wei.

Thank you Glenn.

Thank you Chloe.

Thank you Chu Qing.

Thank you Zi Hui.

Thank you Yan Peng.

Thank you Fabian.

Thank you Ann Qi.

Thank you Xiu Jian.

Thank you Vania.

Thank you Jonathan.

Thank you Joey Fong.

Thank you Leon Jin.

Thank you Qian Ying.

Thank you Rizky.

Thank you Isabelle.

Thank you Valerie. (PCS)

Thank you Kai Lynn.

Thank you Fiona. (PRSS)

Thank you Grizel.

Thank you Su Fang.

Thank you Hazel.

Thank you Zhi Bin.

Thank you Denise.

Thank you Yu Shan.

Thank you Clarice.

Thank you Vivien. (PRSS Choir)

Thank you Shermaine.

Thank you Joanne.

Thank you Atiqah.

Thank you Joleen.

Thank you Li Ting.

Thank you Chris.

Thank you Faith.

Thank you Adibah.

Thank you Wern Ching.

Thank you Qi Yan.

Thank you Kai Lin.

Thank you Jie You.

Thank you Yi Qian.

Thank you Carrie. 

Thank you Vivian. (PRSSCO)

Thank you Pei Fen.

Thank you Zhi Lin.

Thank you Fung Qi.

Thank you Gladys. 

Thank you Liang Xiu.

Thank you Eugene.

Thank you Tori.

Thank you Hui Rong.

Thank you Xiao Juan.

Thank you Pamela.

Thank you Xin Yi. (PCS)

Thank you Ji Wei.

Thank you Daniel.

Thank you Benjamin. (PCS)
Thank you Han Li.
Thank you Ryan. (TPCO)

There are a lot a lot more people who made up my life but I guess it's impossible to list everyone out plus I'm sleepy. Hahahahah anyway thank you to every single one of you who played a part in my life and gave me such awesome and heart warming moments. I love you.