By Marj - December 21, 2013
When you have so much to say yet all only falls into silence....
I have so much to tell you, doubts are reforming in my heart.
I really would love to keep the faith that everything would turn out fine.
I really would love to trust that at the end of the day I'm your only choice.
There's been so many different words, quotes, lyrics, pictures, images, thoughts that reminded me of you.
Everything seemed so relatable, it seemed that with everything I do, it will link back to you.
I think of you all the time, even when I'm asleep.
I get so troubled at times that I wake up in fright.
I would have a bad dream about us then wake up to see that it wasn't true, felt a sigh of relief then start thinking what if it was true?
Then I'd spend the rest of the day wild guessing about negative things again.
I'd love to open up all of this to you, I did before, in fact more than once, and it always ended in a good note.
But then I always grew to be afraid that I would lose you.
I felt that we are still too surreal.
Well, we are.
I keep telling myself to be satisfied about what we have now.
Every moment is filled with happiness, even with all the stupid, silly, meaningless stuff that we always debate about.
It's with these silly meaningless things that we do that it feels that the connection between us is still alive and breathing.
I know, I know that you care.
If you didn't, you wouldn't even try to spend all that time with me.
You wouldn't have tried to keep me, right?
Or at the end, it's only my wishful thinking? Yet again?
Sigh.
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