I used to be so happy
But without you here I feel so low
I watched you as you left but I can never seem to let you go
'Cause once upon a time you were my everything
It's clear to see that time hasn't changed a thing
It's very deep inside me but I feel there's something you should know
I'll never forget you
You'll always be by my side
From the day that I met you
I knew that I would love you till the day I die
And I will never want much more
And in my heart I will always be sure
I will never forget you
And you'll always be by my side till the day I die
'Til the day I die
I'll never forget you
'Till the day I die

We haven't been together for long, but it was one of the happiest periods in my life.
Everyone around me could tell how happy I am, how I'm always in smiles, because I have you in my thoughts, because I know you are there with me.
It was so effortless to get me chuckled up, to have a positive outlook in life, to feel motivated and to feel driven to take up any challenge thrown at me.

Now you're gone.
All's left is me missing you more than ever, a huge part of me has followed your departure.
I'll forever be missing something, I'll never be complete again.
No matter how much any other guy try to love me, it will not help because they aren't you.

I miss the days you pick me up to go on our little adventure, I miss how you always wait for me without any complaints.
I miss the way you kiss me, the way you act coy to get a photo of me.
I miss the way you get shy whenever I try to snuck a kiss from you in public.
I miss how you hold my hand tight in yours, how we were once proud to be together. 
I miss how you get uptight when you accidentally hurt me during our passionate kisses and how you gently caress to make sure I'm okay. 
I miss how you are already familiar with the route to get me home, the carpark slot that you hate to park at 'cos of the hydrant.
I miss how you try so hard to control your urge to have just that one more kiss, I miss how you keep sniffing me when you get high, how you always say I smell so good when your scent is the one that leaves me lingering. 
I miss your morning texts, I miss you checking in on me to make sure I'm eating well.
I miss how you are already so tired, but still try to hold up to talk for that one more minute.
I miss you leaning on my arm and how you always say it'll be your perfect pillow.
I miss how you never get mad even when I got us lost and going in circles during our little adventures, and then you will still smile and say "it's alright".
I miss the way you look into my eyes with such sincerity and passion.
I miss our little inside jokes.
I miss you asking to piggy back me so that I'll feel a little better about my insecurities.
I miss you trusting me enough to let me drive your car, even though it's just for that few metres.
I miss how you push me to be confident, to step out of my comfort zone because you believe that I can do it.
I miss you laughing hysterically when I tell you jokes or silly moments in my life, or how you were shocked whenever I flipped off at you or start speaking in some dialect. 
I miss how you watched a old video of me and did not poke fun at me. 
Instead, you said that my voice remained the same and you noticed my singing improved.
I miss how you were interested in everything I do, and how you just wanted to have more knowledge on my company and my job.
I miss how you always say I'm your sugar mummy, but in the end you always are my sugar daddy 'cos you feel that you're obliged to pay for our meals and that you should get me home whenever you can afford to do so.
白贵友, 我真的很想你。
I just want you to be back by my side, to tell me that you've never forgotten about me, that you want a future with me. 
That this time apart, is just temporary and for a better relationship.

How can I ever forget about the love we once shared, the happy memories we created together, the roads we treaded together, the places we visited together.

How can I let you go so easily, how will I ever be able to keep you out of my mind. 
Someday, my soul will die, my body will be incinerated to just ashes, but even so, I will never forget you. 

That stupid feeling of getting all dressed up, but you've got nowhere to go. 

After hanging out with a few more guys, it only made me realised and reaffirm how special you are to me in my heart.

No guy can ever make me tingle the same way you for a long time.

I will kiss no other guy with as much passion as I did with you.

I will not fill up my mind with so much images of another guy other than you.

And every thing I get to do with someone else, I'll be fucking reminded of you.

"About your circumstance at home and how you feel about holding up to the expectations of others. I can't say that I understand fully because I'm not in your shoes but I think you should cut yourself some slack. I know It's tiring to put on a facade, and how at times you feel miserable because you are sick of pretending to be someone that you are not. But don't be too hard on yourself. Society is based on conformity and anything outside the circle of social norms would be labeled as undesired. Especially as a girl, you would feel extra pressure living up to the standards of a 'lady' that has been emphasized for generations to the modern day. Times have changed, however. People are becoming more and more receptive with the independent women, women with more unconventional thinking. There may still be a stigma surrounding these mindsets but hey, that's when your closer friends come into the picture. It's fortunate that at the end of the day, you'd still have someone like jollie whom you can come back to. Someone whom you know you can be yourself freely around. Perhaps you should focus more on the good side of life rather than the bad and count your blessings. Things will get better ahead! Have a good night's sleep and eat up well when you are up!"

Fucking painful to let you go,

fucking painful to bid you goodbye. 

Every fucking minute that passes by is filled with so much agony and pain. 

I miss the way you pick up my hand randomly when you are driving and kiss it, I miss the way you squeeze my hand tight when I'm feeling weak or when I just needed assurance. 

I miss the hugs you give after we are apart for some time and how you whispered, "Can I just hug you right now?".

I miss the way you hold me in your arms, the longing kisses we shared every time before we end our dates.

I miss the way you let me lean on you, I miss how you never left me alone when I was feeling upset. 

I miss you being gentle to me.

I miss your voice, your attentiveness, your scent, your sweet words.

I miss you.

It was of much deliberation that I decided that I would still write this post.

Just to get a closure and to bid goodbye. 

After an arduous struggle and eventual realisation, I finally mustered enough courage to leave the one I used to love so much.

It was tough, difficult and of much reluctance. I had wanted to wait till at least we reached our 2nd year anniversary but I knew it was pointless to drag on after our last date.

On our last date, I finally saw through my own feelings and thoughts and faced that I indeed no longer feel the same way as before. It saddened me to discover those feelings, because I did once gave my all and everything to this one person.

I wondered before (and I still do) if it was too heartless and cold of me to suddenly walk away from this relationship. 

Getting out of it was a huge relief but I admit there were many details where I could have done better when I broached of the break up. 

It was a sudden event for him but to me, I saw myself fading out of the relationship gradually.

Towards the last few months of the relationship, I was extremely worn and tired and I no longer want to put in any more effort to make things work. 

I only tried to drag on to make myself better, to at least comfort myself that I've tried to give another shot at us.

But I knew I couldn't lie to myself nor to him anymore that I was still happy being in this relationship.

I couldn't put up a strong front anymore and pretend that things were okay, that all the negativity arising in my heart could be left unheard and untaken care of, that I'll still have the strength to see this relationship as a complete and blissful one.

I realised that parting ways then would be the best solution, so that we wouldn't have to hurt each other anymore.

No break up's gonna be easy, and the one who chooses to leave will always be deemed as the cold one, but I knew that we no longer have a future together, and holding on would only bring more pain.

All I want to say now is, sorry for bringing it across so suddenly and before all the festive events.

But I believe you would do better and I hope that everything works out for you.

The memories we've had together, I'd probably never forget.

You were my first boyfriend and this chapter of my life has taught me a lot and it's also thanks to this relationship, I got to know who my true friends are.

I was definitely happy when we finally got together and back then, I felt blissful to have been able to live in that bubble of happiness with you.

I was simply touched by any and every single little thing you did.

Thank you for once trying to make me the happiest woman alive, thank you for once trying to pamper me like a princess and for going out of your way to plant a smile on my face.

Thank you for remembering my favourites, for reassuring me tirelessly, for putting up with my bad temper.

It has been a great 2 years, thank you for sharing it with me.

It's finally time to say goodbye.

I hope that wherever you go and whatever you do, you will thrive and impress others with what you have. 

And I hope the next girl in your life will treat you better and that she will show you the meaning of "true love", which I hadn't got to. 

All the best.