It's extremely late now but by a twist of fate, I put hold on all the stuff I'm doing and I just had to get this out.

I'm assuming no one will read this soon? It's not like I'm any celebrity blogger or anyone would even frequent this space of mine.

I have a lot of friends, and a lot more best friends than one normally have.

Maybe the normal average people only have like what? 2 to 3?

Due to my outgoing nature, I have around 8 of them.

Which is quite a lot. 

Just like what one of my friends told me, this term "best friend" doesn't seem as significant any more when I have so many of them.

To me, they really are all my best friends. When I picture them, they stand in a circle because I couldn't rank them at all. 

Maybe I share different priorities with different best friends but still, each of them are special to me in my eyes, they are irreplaceable, I love each and every one of them. 

If I had to choose to save only one person out of all of them when they are in danger I would rather die with them than choose because they are all so important to me.

Maybe that becomes insignificant in your eyes, my best friends' eyes, but still I can't explain exactly how much I love each of them and how they really are so significant to me.

But reality had to slap me hard in the face today.

Because I realised that even though I see each of them as special, important, irreplaceable people, to them I am only insignificant.

It no longer matters how much I do, but even after everything I did, I still can't be a little more important to some of them.

I know, maybe some day some time I hurt any of you unknowingly but deep down I feel really bad and I really want to try to make up to each of you in my own way because I know I'm lacking a lot as a friend as well.

However, it doesn't help.

It doesn't help at all.

I'm still that unimportant after what I did.

I'm still the person you could reject any time you want.

I still couldn't give you as much happiness and joy someone else could. 

No matter what, when you're with me, things aren't still complete enough.

I'm just a close friend.

Prove me wrong my dear.

Tell me that everything that I've typed is wrong.

You know how I wish you could tell me that?

But honestly, both you and I know that it is true to a certain extent.

You still can't let go everything about yourself to me when I did.

I just couldn't qualify to reach that stage.

Maybe it sucks to have so many best friends.

Maybe I would have been better off with only one or two whom I really trust but no, each and every single best friend I've listed in my head gone through a lot with me. 

They passed through lots of hurdles and obstacles with me and I really thought they treated me like family and I do really thought of them as part of my own family too.

I guess some friendships aren't strong enough at the end of the day, and I'm not as important to each of them as well.

Well, that's reality for you dear Marj.