firstly, i want to say, nobody can manipulate one's thinking.
if i don't like someone, it's because of what he/she does that irks me.
and i'm blogging this because people who know me well should know that i'm much more eloquent in typing and writing instead of speaking.
anyway, let me continue.

To: Cindy
hmmm, like what i told you earlier on, it's not because of wenyi that i don't like you.
i don't like how you have changed for the bad after gaining confidence from being prettier by wearing contacts and stuff like that. i don't like the way you seem to add sarcasm in your words even though you say you don't. well, maybe that's how YOU feel, but from my heart, i feel that it's just pure sarcasm. i can only tell you that if you feel hurt now, then have you ever considered my feelings since like last year end? i told you, i realised how stupid i was when i felt upset that you went out with other people. now that i look back, i realised that i couldn't have controlled you. you have the right to go out with anyone. and with that, i laugh at myself.

i also mentioned that you were one of the few friends whom i want to be close with at the first sight. same for wenyi. i really cherished the moments i spent with you and i really loved talking to you. i'm unsure if we can still be like that now but the happiest period i spent with you was the first half year of 2008. at that point of time, i felt very happy because i'm happy that i could be close with you. but now, it seems like you have a lot of close friends and i don't know where i stand in your heart. you seem to be able to mix with everyone, anyone. and just read your blog. the frequency of mentioning me is so small. i don't know ok. i don't know. i just feel that i can't read your mind anymore.

i don't know what you're feeling when you read all these. but i can only say that i still prefer the cindy who wears specs and treats everyone with sincerity and not the one who adds sarcasm in her words. i know i can't make you or anyone else change because of what i feel individually. you can change, i'm not stopping you. but i hope it's for the better.

i said that my heart always relent at the end and i will always forgive you for what you did that i personally feel it's wrong and i will always just put aside all the negative things about you and be friends with you again. well, maybe you do not know this, but it has always been a battle in my heart. however, i hope that you won't take a yard when i give an inch. don't think that just because i will still forgive you and be friends with you again that you take my temper and feelings for granted. at times, you really take things too far, to a point whereby i find unacceptable. just like the time you and eleanor played that prank call, i think it was too far off. it was WRONG. you don't make use of your friend's sympathy and the relation to make such a prank. i was so worried that time and in the end, it turned out to be a prank. i was really angry. but the thing that i was most angry about was that you guys even thought that i was just being angry for fun. seriously, i don't do such things just for the sake of fun. reflect. it wasn't right. at least, that's what i think. true, i seldom get angry. however, don't treat a dormant volcano as an extinct one. it'll still erupt one day. i have a temper too and it's not that i don't have one but i just take things more easier. but if you carry it too far off, i'll get angry, for sure.

well, to conclude, i just want you to reflect and please, wenyi's not a bitch. unless you're one as well. and, definitely, she's not heartless. i don't care if you call me one because i know that i'm not. live with a conscience. and treat people with gratitude and sincerity as well. i admit i don't always live like that but at least i care about my friends' feelings as well. not that you don't care but i feel that it's quite pretentious at times. you don't care for the sake of caring but you do it from your heart. people can feel it if it's genuine. i just hope that i could still be friends with you, but this time, i want a temper for myself too. but if for whatever reasons, you want to end this friendship, there's nothing i can do to change your decision as well. well, that's all i have for you.

To: Wenyi

like cindy, you're one of the few friends whom i want to be close with at first sight. i really cherish the times i spent with you and your classmates as well. i think you are a very caring friend. at least a genuine one. and your classmate are great people too:) anyways, i love you (as a friend) and i hope we'll always be BFF!! you and i know it:D

ok, this is the end. i wish everything will blow over soon and i'm already mentally preparing for the EOY results. hope i do well and everyone else too:)))

oh, and i enjoyed the class chalet, maybe i'll talk more about it the next time.
bye and cya.