SHINee's bling bling Jonghyun took his own life a few days ago and this has come as a shock to many, including me.

SHINee's "Hello" is the first song added to my YouTube playlist and Jonghyun was my bias of the group. 

I adored him and there were countless times I turned to SHINee's songs and videos to cheer myself up.

As the main vocalist, he was always shining, just like his nickname.

He was always filled with joy and happiness though only now do we know how much he had suffered on his own. 

I am heartbroken for the pain and sadness he had to go through by himself, without a proper outlet to vent. 

Although he expressed his loneliness and suffering through his music, that was all just the tip of the iceberg of what he is actually going through. 

While no actions nor words can bring our shining star back, the impact he has left on those who have listened to his music will remain.

Song by song, word by word, he has touched many of us and his bright and sunny personality will always stick with us.

Thank you Jonghyun oppa. 

Writing this for you is an indescribable feeling but I have to.

Your suffering has ended and I hope you find peace in heaven, where you now belong. 

Don't worry about us, we will all live strongly and learn from your fiery attitude towards the things you love.

You've worked hard Jonghyun oppa, and we will always remember you.

Knowing how I hurt you shatters every inch of me into a million pieces.

This post is dedicated to you, xiaopo. 

We've both read articles about the signs that you will see in the right relationship, the things that you will see happening when you meet that special person. 

Rather than reading more articles and agreeing to those points then still think it's not enough to express our love for each other, here's my very own post for our relationship.

He's not perfect, but in your eyes, he's the best man found. 

And he's not perfect in your eyes just because you're hopelessly in love with him, but because he has put in the effort to every little thing to gain your trust and confidence and lets you know that he's equally in love with you. He proves to you that you don't have to be paranoid over "too good to be true" when he gives you the royal treatment.

He never lets you wonder about what he's doing, his whereabouts or who he is with. He never stops updating you about his life and he never stops asking you the mundane questions that get asked over and over again; have you eaten, what did you have for lunch, what are you doing tonight. 

He makes sure that you don't have to worry about things you shouldn't be worried about and he never stops building the trust between the both of you.

He's not afraid to face your darkest emotions and your selfish sides. In fact, he wants to know when you're feeling moody. When you're throwing a tantrum over nothing (read: PMS), he will be concerned about what made you upset. He won't brush it off because your emotions are his as well.

He talks to you about the future, tells you what he has in mind and you are in every piece of the future he pictures. The first dog you are going to own together, the kind of house he wants to live in with you (and that man cave he plans to set aside in the house), the meals you're going to prepare together, he tells you and he discusses it with you.

He doesn't make empty promises, he make good his word and even though it may be difficult to meet certain expectations, he will still put in his best so that he won't disappoint you. And for a even more meaningful reason, he does it because he wants to. And he wants to because he loves you.

He reminds you of how much he loves you and cares for you every single day. And he shows it.
That's because you are on his mind all the time, the first person who will come to his mind when he sees a funny meme, a senseless video, or just about anything that he comes across.

He constantly wants to make you happy and wants to give you the better things in life because in his eyes, you ought to have them all.

You may not be the first person he held hands with, the first girl he locked lips with, but you will be his last. It's an impeccable feeling that you go through each day, getting lost in those sparkly eyes.

You know it, you will know it when someone's here to stay for good and won't leave you just because you burnt his dinner or forgot to say goodnight once.

You don't have to find reasons to convince yourself that your relationship will last long enough for at least a lifetime or to reassure yourself that he won't just decide to call it quits one day because he woke up on the wrong side of bed and realises that he no longer loves you anymore.

He won't ever leave because there's someone prettier than you, hotter than you and possibly have everything better than you. There will always be someone better out there, but his choice will always be crystal clear that he loves you and only you.

The man who will stay, will stay.
In the toughest of roughest times, in the rockiest of states, he will hold on to your hand and not let go.
He will be with you when you hit rock bottom and he will still be by your side when you climb back up.
He will be there when you go through any moment you have to face in life.

He will stay today and he will stay with you, always.
Trust me, he will prove it to you in every little way. (;


I love you.

Across lifetimes, I'd find you and love you over and over again.

Even if I forget you, my heart will remember, my heart will remember and know how to love you by instinct.

I'd fall for you in a heartbeat.

I get lost in that gaze of yours that speaks thousands of "I love you" and "I want to be with you", the kind I want to get lost in for eternity.

I didn't love you at first sight.

I love you over time, I love you through getting to understand you.

I love you even more, for all the little habits and traits I got to learn about you. 

I love you for all the ways you express your love for me.
I love you for who you are when you're with me, I love your unmasked character and occasionally lame humour.
I love you because you are the first person I'd run to for whatever problems or silly emotion I might be facing and you'd be there to listen and cheer me up.
I love you even though you annoy me all the time because the one who annoys me all the time is also the person who will be there for me any time.

I fell hard for the mature gentleman you are and I fell equally hard for the goofball you are.
You came into my life and brighten up my world with every inch of you as if you're luminous.

What would I ever do without you in my life, xiaopo.

July has been a fun month getting to do some things out of the norm and here's what went down in those 31 days.