So just minutes later after the previous post, I decided to do another one to say what I wanted to say.
Like I said in the previous post, I was very much caught up in Jay Chou's songs especially 发如雪.
狼牙月 伊人憔悴
我举杯 饮尽了风雪
是谁打翻前世柜 惹尘埃是非
缘字诀 几番轮回
你锁眉 哭红颜唤不回
纵然青史已经成灰 我爱不灭
繁华如三千东流水 我只取一瓢爱了解
只恋你化身的蝶
你发如雪 凄美了离别
我焚香感动了谁
邀明月 让回忆皎洁
爱在月光下完美
你发如雪 纷飞了眼泪
我等待苍老了谁
红尘醉 微醺的岁月
我用无悔 刻永世爱你的碑
你发如雪 凄美了离别
我焚香感动了谁
邀明月 让回忆皎洁
爱在月光下完美
你发如雪 纷飞了眼泪
我等待苍老了谁
红尘醉 微醺的岁月
我用无悔 刻永世爱你的碑
我举杯 饮尽了风雪
是谁打翻前世柜 惹尘埃是非
缘字诀 几番轮回
你锁眉 哭红颜唤不回
纵然青史已经成灰 我爱不灭
繁华如三千东流水 我只取一瓢爱了解
只恋你化身的蝶
你发如雪 凄美了离别
我焚香感动了谁
邀明月 让回忆皎洁
爱在月光下完美
你发如雪 纷飞了眼泪
我等待苍老了谁
红尘醉 微醺的岁月
我用无悔 刻永世爱你的碑
你发如雪 凄美了离别
我焚香感动了谁
邀明月 让回忆皎洁
爱在月光下完美
你发如雪 纷飞了眼泪
我等待苍老了谁
红尘醉 微醺的岁月
我用无悔 刻永世爱你的碑
啦儿啦 啦儿啦 啦儿啦儿啦
啦儿啦 啦儿啦 啦儿啦儿啦
铜镜映无邪 扎马尾
你若撒野 今生我把酒奉陪
I was only primary 6 ( I think?) when I first heard this song, I didn't understand the lyrics back then.
But now I do, the lyrics are so beautiful! The melody too!
It just felt like that there wouldn't be anyone better than Jay Chou to sing this song, no other better melody or lyrics to fit each other.
The lyrics I like best are in italic.
The MV is really nice too, I love the concept of it!
It made me rethink about love.
It also got me reflecting on all the guys whom I used to like and who were the ones whom were closest to what I thought considered true love.
I realised that till now, there is only one person whom I can never get over.
I thought that I had gotten over him long ago,
but remembering back right from the first time I saw him, every single thing felt sad once again.
I wanted to see him once more badly.
It still felt like a pity that I didn't treasure the chances placed in front of me those times.
I hated myself for always being so cowardly that I didn't seize those opportunities.
When I first like him, all those feelings felt so overwhelming.
It wasn't a feeling that I could manage.
Compared to all those crushes I've had before, the feeling I had this time round felt so different and strange, it wasn't something I was familiar with.
I panicked whenever I see him, even from afar, I got so nervous that it feels like my heart was literally gonna jump out anytime.
I attempted to talk but every single time I froze and I couldn't even find my own voice to say a word.
My cute sisters always gave me ideas and plans to approach him but whenever he appeared, all those plans were forgotten in my head.
Nothing came to mind.
I don't know what to do at all.
I was never so helpless and lost.
All I knew what to do was continue looking at him, following his tracks and look at him as long as I could.
I know it sounds stalker-ish but that was all I could manage to do.
Every single waking moment was filled with thoughts about him.
I thought about how it'd be like to be with him.
How our future would be like.
And I started to think that I could do away with the rest of the world if I had him with me.
That was when I started to think that being a good housewife wouldn't be a bad thing too.
In reality however, he and I was nothing.
We never talked, never knew each other's name.
I also started to feel that he was starting to dislike me because of my stalker-ish acts.
But even so, I couldn't stop myself from wanting to see him again and again.
Then the frequency of seeing him start to drop greatly after I graduated from secondary school.
It eventually become to seeing him once a month, once a few months to none at all now.
The last I saw him was like 2011 Nov after a school concert (CCN I think) and it was only his backview.
Hahaha.
It's been one and a half years but I still remained hopeful of seeing him though with a different mentality.
Throughout these 3 years plus I cried badly, had heartbreaks, crazy acts, happy moments, surprises from fate.
I missed him so much I often had breakdowns just because some small, irrelevant incident reminded me of how much I missed him.
At that time it felt like there wasn't anyone else I wanted to be with, no one else whom I'll truly give my heart to ever again.
It came to a point where I felt that I wanted to be at where my current dream will take me to so that I could have enough power and resources to find him.
Even though after getting into poly I had a crush on this other guy, but even that felt stupid right now, as if I liked him because I felt empty from waiting too long.
I got over him shortly after confessing and got my umpteenth time of rejection and yet I didn't feel sad at all I didn't even tear.
Right now, I don't like anyone else at all.
It started to occur to me that it's weird for me to have a boyfriend, to be in love with somebody.
Which is very unlike the me people used to know about.
I used to be the girl who was always liking some guy at different point of times.
My heart seems to have stopped, there wasn't any relationship thing that could hurt me anymore.
Never did I knew all it took was one song sad enough to uncover what was really hiding beneath.
I never forgot, never stopped loving, never gave up hope.
I still very much want to be with him, I can still imagine our future and not find it repulsive.
I still do like him a lot, and even as I'm typing this, tears are forming in my eyes because I really miss him a lot and I want to see him once more.
This time, I would not let go of the opportunity that's right in my face anymore.
It didn't matter if I failed or not because to me, taking out that first step is the biggest success already.
For the countless time, please let me just see him once more.
Just that one more time to let me say the words that are coming too late.
If I never get to see him again, it'll be the biggest regret of my life.
Please, just once more.
I'd never ever let go of that chance anymore.
