Please, tonight's the only night I can deal with a blow.
I don't know if I can still endure all the sadness for other days.
Give me a miracle tonight.
Maybe you don't even want to give me a chance to tell you.
Come online tonight.
Let me say what I want to say.
Let me get this off my heart.
It's either all or nothing.
The best thing for me right now is to actually cry out loud.
There are just too much tears held back.
But now, I can't even tear, I no longer know how to cry.
More than often, I wonder if I can still open my eyes to greet morning's light.
If you've read my previous posts, I guess you know how preoccupied I am with death.
Especially with all the "End of the World" rumours going on.
Now, when the skies get a little too dark, when the lightning goes on relentlessly with fury, when the sound of rain seems to be knocking too hard on the window panes, I can't help but think if it's world's end at that moment already.
Then when there wasn't a huge rock come flying to Earth killing us all and everything restored its calmness, I thought of all the stuff that I hadn't got a chance to do yet before I die.
There are so many things that I want to do; I'm still young, there are so many days ahead in front of me.
But then what if all of us Earthlings just dropped dead together tomorrow?
Well, maybe it will be a good thing 'cos then none of us gets to fulfil what we wanted to do before we died.
But then what if I was the only one who couldn't get to see next day's sunlight?
I should treasure whatever I have now right?
But all I'm doing now is taking my own time for granted, taking myself for granted, taking the PEOPLE around me for granted.
Yea, despite all the fear about not being able to live tomorrow, I took everything for granted.
What do I do?
How, how should I live my life to the fullest every moment?
It's just so tiring to do so, fearing for every minute, fearing for your own health.
I just want to be happy without anything holding me back.
And I realised that much as I want to, when I'm happy, the fear surges immensely in my heart.
Sigh. I have no idea why too.
Well, till I'm enlightened about how to be happy, I guess we can do with some peaceful and nice music to kill away some of the fear in my heart.
There you go, Safe & Sound by Taylor Swift.
Someday, I will know how to be happy.
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