Give me a miracle tonight.
Maybe you don't even want to give me a chance to tell you.
Come online tonight.
Let me say what I want to say.
Let me get this off my heart.
It's either all or nothing.
The best thing for me right now is to actually cry out loud.
There are just too much tears held back.
But now, I can't even tear, I no longer know how to cry.
More than often, I wonder if I can still open my eyes to greet morning's light.
If you've read my previous posts, I guess you know how preoccupied I am with death.
Especially with all the "End of the World" rumours going on.
Now, when the skies get a little too dark, when the lightning goes on relentlessly with fury, when the sound of rain seems to be knocking too hard on the window panes, I can't help but think if it's world's end at that moment already.
Then when there wasn't a huge rock come flying to Earth killing us all and everything restored its calmness, I thought of all the stuff that I hadn't got a chance to do yet before I die.
There are so many things that I want to do; I'm still young, there are so many days ahead in front of me.
But then what if all of us Earthlings just dropped dead together tomorrow?
Well, maybe it will be a good thing 'cos then none of us gets to fulfil what we wanted to do before we died.
But then what if I was the only one who couldn't get to see next day's sunlight?
I should treasure whatever I have now right?
But all I'm doing now is taking my own time for granted, taking myself for granted, taking the PEOPLE around me for granted.
Yea, despite all the fear about not being able to live tomorrow, I took everything for granted.
What do I do?
How, how should I live my life to the fullest every moment?
It's just so tiring to do so, fearing for every minute, fearing for your own health.
I just want to be happy without anything holding me back.
And I realised that much as I want to, when I'm happy, the fear surges immensely in my heart.
Sigh. I have no idea why too.
Well, till I'm enlightened about how to be happy, I guess we can do with some peaceful and nice music to kill away some of the fear in my heart.
There you go, Safe & Sound by Taylor Swift.
Someday, I will know how to be happy.
(':
"Everyone tells us, starting when we’re just kids, how perfect love is. How our prince will come and save us. They set such high standards in our little brains, and we don’t know any better than to expect that. But in reality, that won’t happen. You aren’t going to get a perfect prince and live happily every after. Nobody is perfect, and everyone is going to hurt you eventually. Everyone makes mistakes. They also don’t teach us how messy love is. You’re going to fight, you’re going to say things to hurt each other, and it’s not going to be easy. And you never really understand what that means until you’re in that position, where someone completely holds your heart in their hand, and you have no other option but to trust them to keep it safe. "
I just don't know what to do any more.
Everyone says you're not worth it but I still want to fight for you.
My head tells me the same thing as what everyone else does too, but the rest of me still goes looking for you.
They say that it's more than just a crush if it's past 4 months, so is this love?
But then if we are fated then why I don't see you any more?
Or is this just a test? Of love.
There you see, all this stupid questions running through my mind time and again, questioning myself, questioning you, questioning heaven what is this that's going on between us?
It's really stupid to wait all this while then just give up silently.
It's just not my style.
Even if at the end, it's a straight NO, at least I want to know the person that I've been pining for for the past two years.
Please, just show up once more alright?
